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joke
Jul 7, 2006 8:43:48 GMT 1
Post by AliBullie on Jul 7, 2006 8:43:48 GMT 1
A smart Blonde, a pregnant woman and Santa Claus are in the elevator together. They spot a twenty quid note on the floor. Who picks it up?
The pregnant woman of course, the other two dont exist!
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joke
Jul 7, 2006 15:33:48 GMT 1
Post by nancy on Jul 7, 2006 15:33:48 GMT 1
Very good
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joke
Jul 27, 2006 8:56:24 GMT 1
Post by Florrie on Jul 27, 2006 8:56:24 GMT 1
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joke
Aug 3, 2006 14:08:47 GMT 1
Post by Old Dragon (Al) on Aug 3, 2006 14:08:47 GMT 1
I received this diet joke via email...
The Purina Diet
I used to have a Labrador retriever & was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart, waiting in the check-out line. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, as the food is nutritionally complete.
So, I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, especially a tall heavy man behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking myself and a car hit me.
The tall guy nearly had to stagger out of the store, oxygen-depleted from laughter. I paid for the food and left a lot of smiles behind me.
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angelcwmpodd
Wolf Team Member
why pmt?? coz mad cows disease was already taken ....
Posts: 1,118
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joke
Sept 11, 2006 10:16:09 GMT 1
Post by angelcwmpodd on Sept 11, 2006 10:16:09 GMT 1
hah...have u read all our jokes on trallwm farm?? they are awesome!!
will go over in a min and get some that i put up there!
anna xx
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angelcwmpodd
Wolf Team Member
why pmt?? coz mad cows disease was already taken ....
Posts: 1,118
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joke
Sept 11, 2006 10:33:45 GMT 1
Post by angelcwmpodd on Sept 11, 2006 10:33:45 GMT 1
2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says 'how do ya drive this thing?' -----------------------------
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks." -----------------------------
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!" ----------------------------
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.
After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.
Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."
The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."
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A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.
"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"
To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!" -------------------------------------
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!" --------------------------
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." ------------------------
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!" ---------------------------------
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her." ---------------------------------
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put £10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the £10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
right enough of taking the mickey outta myself...heehee ---------------------------------
ok ok just a few more...i know u really want to hear them...teehee
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A woman is driving on the pavement when she is pulled over by a police man.
The police man says 'Are you aware that you are driving on the pavement madam?'
'I'm not stupid mate - I've got no road tax!' ---------------------------------
a blonde, a brunette and a red head all work in an office and every tuesday at 1.30 their female boss leaves work and doesn't return until the following day. one day the three girls decied they have had enough and decied that when the boss left the next tuesday they would wait half an hour then leave themselves. so tuesday comes around and at 1.30 the boss leaves. half an hour later the three girls get up and leave. the red head goes shopping, the brunette spends the day in the garden and the blonde wants to surprise her husband, she sneaks upstairs and quietly and sees her boss in bed with her husband so she quietly slips out and goes back to work. the next day the three girls tell each other what they did, the red head says i cant wait til next week i went shopping it was fab, i cant either says the brunette i spent the whole day in the garden. well im not doing it again the blonde said I nearly got caught.
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new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and Went shopping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny, had more money, had more confidence, and was never farted on in bed or emotionally abused
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hope thats enough to keep u all going!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha(thought id start u all of...teehee)
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angelcwmpodd
Wolf Team Member
why pmt?? coz mad cows disease was already taken ....
Posts: 1,118
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joke
Oct 5, 2006 15:39:27 GMT 1
Post by angelcwmpodd on Oct 5, 2006 15:39:27 GMT 1
may i request the password to enter the adult jokes section please?? Anna xx
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