|
Post by Old Dragon (Al) on Mar 6, 2008 0:51:29 GMT 1
The Uncivil Servant.
Three men and a defect worked in the ordinance survey office. The defect’s name was Armitage. He preferred ’Sir’. To the men, and behind his back, he was ‘Short Shanks’, and they enjoyed a range of lavatorial humour at his expense. Even when Armitage overheard them, most floated over his head.
“There’s a crack in the pan,” said Dougal one morning, having ritualistically given birth to half a dozen politicians and the defect into one before settling at his desk.
“Been coming apart for months,” said Jim.
“Cistern’s shot,” added Brian.
Armitage bristled. “Sir!” he roared. “…And kindly look at me when reporting defective equipment!”
Wheels turn slowly in the civil service.
Months later, Dougal, returning to the office after a day spent surveying the new ring road system, discovered a brand new toilet freestanding in the middle of the office and awaiting a plumber.
Ensuring Short Shanks was safely ensconced in his private office, Dougal drained diluted tea from the cold pot into the porcelain and, with juvenile flare, moulded a stale marmite sandwich into a suitable form, draping it carefully over the seat-less rim.
Mission accomplished, and with Bond-like stealth, he slipped out of the building and went home.
(Based loosely on a true story from my father's days as an Ordinance Surveyor.)
|
|